Sophie's Mentertainment® is the best source for information on Strip Clubs in the NorthEast
Editor's Column
Issue March 1997
Dear Readers,
I probably have never told you, straight, why I publish this magazine. So maybe it’s time, you may say, after nine years.
I have a dream of a world where people are available to play, a world of harmony and love. I decided that in my own way I am going to work towards that future in an arena where it is mostly missing, in the arena where sexuality is a commodity, and people don’t have to be at risk to receive some feelings, the touch, the sight, the thoughts, all this without having to be in a relationship of their own.
I have been through relationships that died, and mostly died because they were dull, unimaginative, safe play. No fun, no camaraderie, no real love, no passion. I blamed the situation on my partners, but in the past few years, I realized that the phenomenon of this kind of relationship is universal, and not personal.
In these past years I have made some discoveries that are at the heart of this matter.
I want to share one of these discoveries with you today.
Scenario 1.
A friend of mine is married with a wife and three kids. He is a good provider, but to provide for three kids is some challenge nowadays. He works late, almost every day, he is always called to come to the office at strange hours of the night.
My friend and his wife haven’t had sex for about a year.
“How come?” I ask. It’s hard for me to be without sex, but I have to, I don’t have a mate. Why on Earth, someone with a mate doesn’t have sex?
“She is resentful that I work so hard.” He says. “Have you tried to change her mind? Let her know that you still want her?”
“Yeah, I buy her flowers every two weeks or so. But nothing.”
This is the scenario, and I will look at it through two strikingly different “pairs of glasses” or distinctions.
One is called oreness. In that we, human beings look at the world as if it is either you or me; it is either I am successful or I am a failure, I am either stupid or I am smart, it is either I am getting or I am giving.
One area where this shows up is traffic where at the red light I pull up in the right hand lane, there is another car in the left hand lane. The light turns to green. The car in the left hand lane steps on the gas pedal, his wheels are spinning. He won’t let me in front of him. It is either him or me. We could both get to where we are heading, but no, it is about winning or at least avoiding losing.
Another area is maybe just as familiar: sex. Today men dream about “head,” women dream about “head.” The words about sex is “I f..ked her”, as if they didn’t have sex, he had sex, and she submitted to it. I had a boy friend a few years ago who didn’t want to have sex with me because it would be good for me and he didn’t want to be used. What he essentially said is that it is an either/or world and if I have pleasure, he won’t. I, as a woman, I am not exempt from this thought: once my partner wants “head,” I know I won’t get sex. I can’t even suppose that giving me sex gives him sex/pleasure too. It is “you are either a giver or a taker.”
The other distinction is: we want to get first before we would give, or at least give as little as we can.
I’ll just quote a reader’s letter to an advice column, it struck a raw nerve with me. I saw where I am like a regular husband, and how I don’t know how to create a mood in which play, harmony, and love.
The newspaper article’s title says it all: “Wife’s definition of foreplay will open many men’s eyes
Dear Abby: Men seem to think that a woman, after working a full day, dealing with the kids, fixing meals, doing housework and rarely receiving a kind word, gesture or kiss from her mate, will somehow be sexually excited the minute they hop into bed and will want to attack her husband with those uncontrollable desires.
My husband had no idea that foreplay begins in the morning and lasts all day. We had to talk about the definition of foreplay— which I described as helping me out around the house, with the kids, the laundry, the housework. I also let him know it would be nice to receive compliments like he used to give when we were courting and first married. There needs to be, ongoingly some kind of physical contact like hugs and kisses to let me know that he still cares. All of these things begin to get me in the mood so that when the opportunity arises, I am as willing as he is.
I have a car that’s 20 years old and I have to start it 10 minutes before I get ready to leave because the engine needs to warm up. After it’s warm, it runs great. If I try to drive it cold, I don’t get far. Well, the same goes for me in reference to intimacy and sex.
—Over 35 with a Satisfied Husband
another letter:
Dear Abby:
I was 35, had been married 10 years, and had found every excuse in the book to say no to sex. I thought I’d never feel passionate or sexual again.
It is now seven years later. I have two children under 2 years old and have sex almost every day. Most of the time I initiate it! What has caused this dramatic change? My husband.
My husband now tells me how pretty I am, even though I have gained 30 pounds after having the babies. He takes my hand in the car and puts his arm around me while watching television. When I am cooking or tending to the baby, he comes up behind me, rubs my shoulders, and tells me what a good wife and mother I am. At night, when I’m dead tired, he puts his arms around me, tells me how wonderful I am and strokes my hair as I fall asleep.
My husband also goes out of his way to make time for sex when I am awake and in the mood. Sometimes this means coming home from work in the middle of the day!
—Saying Yes All the Time
As you notice, the magazine is late again, not very, but late, nevertheless. One of the reasons is that I am back to square one, a one woman band. And after writing and rereading this editorial, I know exactly why people don’t want to stick with me, stick with the job. I am with them like and ordinary husband with his wife. “I’ll treat you as I please, but you should try to please me, no matter what.” Maybe this is not a woman/man phenomenon? Think about it.
Sophie
PS: In my last editorial I asked for your feedback, and thank you, I’ve gotten plenty. The results are, that I understand that you, the reader wants a truthful magazine and are willing to pay for it. Up to a dollar per copy. I’ll see what I can do. Club owners were not that supportive, but they gave me an ad. Am I corrupted now?
Please give me feedback. Sophie
[January 1997 Editorial] [February 1997 Editorial] [March 1997 Editorial]
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