by Lance Kenyon
What's the matter, Bunky?
Can't get that old baton up? Pecker won't pop? Feeling rundown, weary, got the wimp-assed Yuppie blues? Or, even worse, are you in a Middle-Aged fuckless funk?
Well, Pilgrim, the answer to your pud-pulling prayers is contained herein, an exclusive interview with handy-dandy Randy West WEST, the Dean of Smutville's diddling dukes, and now Porndom's reigning King Stud, who, for the first time, reveals to the public some of his secrets on maintaining not only his own personal Fountain of Youth -- but how you can do it, too!
And well into even your fourth or fifth decade, and longer!
Unlike most of the Health Hustlers in mainstream media [oh, Christ, Richard Simmons as virile?], WEST is a boner-fide
Super-Swordsman whose ageless pussy-pounding performances are amply-and-anally evidenced in such scorching cassettes as: Miami Spice; Snatch Buckler; The Young and the Wrestling; The Nicole Stanton Story, Pt. 1; Talk Dirty, Pt. 6; Tori Without A Cause; and the Loose Ends series.
And now he is producing and directing his own sizzling series: Randy West WEST PRESENTS Up and Cummers, now in its ultra-erect 44th edition; plus two additional new libidinous lines, "Raw Sex 3"; and "I Love Lesbians Too!"
So listen up, Pod'ner, and learn about life, love, lust, and super succulent suck-suck-SUCCE$$ in the juicy, jubilant JizzBizz.
Reporter: How long have you been in the Adult Industry now?
Randy West: About twenty years, I think.
Reporter: What made you decide to finally have your own video line, since producing/casting/directing, etc., obviously presents greater problems than acting, and schtuping, on camera?
Randy West: When I realized after doing the Debutante series with ED [POWERS of Dirty Debutante's fame] I realized this was kinda a fun concept, and it was easy enough to shoot and control and everything -- that I wouldn't have to kill myself -- this could be interesting.
Just take Ed's format, do it my way -- they don't have to be Debutante's like his, they don't have to be first timers -- they just have to be new into the business.
Fresh faces, that I think -- could be stars! Nice looking, good attitudes, so just go out and shoot and relax the setting the way Ed did -- just maybe change the location a little bit.
And I said if I can do that, then maybe I'll get into the producing end of things, because that's something I can control a lot better.
I didn't want to delegate authority to a lot of different places -- I wanna control the shoot, I wanna control the editing, I wanted to control the boxes.
I had enough money saved up that I could get it goin' on my own.
Reporter: How'd Ed feel about this?
Randy West: He was always pretty much behind it, although he questioned who I was originally hooked with for a distributor. And it turned out he was right about that.
So actually I had to kidnap the Up and Cummers back from who I was originally hooked up with. They just wanted to throw product out there. I told them I definitely needed to be part of the editing and the box, and this and that -- and they were leaving me out of everything.
So I kinda had to kidnap it back from them, and I held onto it for a few months looking for a way to go with it, and finally, after I edited a couple of them -- I edited a few while I didn't even have a place to go with 'em -- so Ed heard from his editor that, "Hey, Randy's got some good shit, man -- maybe you oughta sell it!"
He checked it out, and from then on was behind it all the way.
Reporter: Are you getting all your girls strictly from the agencies, or from picking them up on the street, at the grocery store, tennis courts, etc.?
Randy West: Yeah, I'm getting them from wherever they might come from. But like Taylor came thru a friend-of-a-friend. And the girl in Number Six, who I wish I could of put on the box -- but her boyfriend took off with the stills [chuckling] -- she thru a friend-of-a-friend.
Reporter: You have a lot of the gals jerking themselves off in your productions. Is that because the public wants that, or you think it works, or what?
Randy West: It's probably because I like to watch it! I like watching girls play with themselves!
Reporter: Don't we all!
Randy West: I especially like to watch 'em. I mean the whole thing is based on letting people have sex the way they would normally do it, you know.
Reporter: That's certainly a revolutionary concept in Smutville.
Randy West: So whether it's fucking, or masturbating -- I just like to see the way these girls really like to have sex. Without, you know, directions and stuff -- how would you do it at home?!!!
That's a basic! I'm doin' it to give myself a hard-on -- but I'm a normal guy. So it's basically a mainstream thing. It's not overly kinky, it's not overly creative -- it's just if you like to see good-looking girls havin' real sex!
Reporter: So you're not into cans of oil funnelled into ladies' assholes, like Director JOHN T. BONE?
Randy West: Right!
Reporter: Or not into even MAX HARDCORE'S psycho raunch?
Randy West: Exactly, you know. There's a market for that shit, but that's not my thing, you know.
Reporter: I'm with you. I'm not knocking their stuff, but it's not the stuff that works for me.
Randy West: Occasionally I'll get a fan letter where guys will say, "You coulda been dirtier with this bitch," and "You coulda done this and that with the cunt," you know.
Well, those other tapes [Bone's and Hardcore's] will probably have her doing that. She didn't wanna do that! I let her do what she wanted to do!
If somebody tells her to do THAT -- she'll probably do it! But I leave 'em on their own to do what they want to do.
Reporter: You got a big problem. And I'll tell you what it is.
Randy West: OK.
Reporter: You like women!
Randy West [warm sigh]: Yeah, I know.
Reporter: And they like you. Every Star I've interviewed over the years, every time I ask them to name who they've loved working with -- fucking, that is -- they've cited you immediately.
Randy West: That's nice -- because I do like them.
Reporter: I remember the story CHRISTY CANYON told me after her comeback into the business after a six year absence.
The first guy she worked with was you. And she was really turned on. Then she had to come back the day to pick up something, and when she saw you humping another girl -- she got a little jealous, she said.
Randy West: Believe it or not, I still like making love to women! I like making them cum, I like getting them off -- it turns me on, you know.
Reporter: And now you7're about to hit the Big 5-0!
Randy West: Fifty, yeah. I've been in it twenty years. I started, you know, when most guys retire.
Reporter: How naming some of your All-Time Favorites schtups.
Randy West: I gotta put GINGER LYNN, TORI WELLES, CHRISTY, NINA [HARTLEY], umnnnn, AMBER [LYNN] -- are the ones, you know, from over the years. KRISTARA BARRINGTON. Yeah, they're awesome. There's a few I missed that are probably pretty good, too.
I always regretted not being with ANNA VENTURA. Remember her?
Reporter: Sure.
Randy West: Oh, she was an awesome specimen. I had a chance -- I was on a set with her, and she seemed she kinda liked me. She took me in the bathroom, started givin' me a blowjob -- and who breaks in, RON JEREMY!:
"Hi, kids. What're yah doin' Oh, you're suckin' his dick! Can I come in?!"
Reporter: That's the ol' charming HEDGEHOG himself. When rambunctious Ron isn't copping his own joint, he's usually got his foot in his mouth. And people wonder why he hasn't been killed.
Randy West: OH, MAN! Yeah, I'll tell yah -- I was close then because, you know, she was still fairly new, and she was embarrassed, so she split -- and that was it!!!
I never got another shot at it!
Reporter: Oh, I know the feeling Ron can engender in people.
Randy West: You know, when I think about it, there's probably ten or twelve girls that stand out in my mind that I missed during the time I've been in the business.
TRACI LORDS I missed by a week! I met her on a set, and she didn't know who I was, but I guess she was interested in me. She goes, "Who are you?" And I said, "Randy West."
She goes, "Well, you're cute! I'd like to work with you," and I said, "That's fine with me." She said, "I want you in my next movie, I'm shootin' next week."
I said, "Fine," she said, "OK, I'll call you" -- and two days later she got busted and that was it!
Reporter: Gotta ask you -- younger women today! Do you find them different now then you did, say, fifteen years ago?
Randy West: Umnnnn, yeah -- the responsibility level's pretty low. Yeah, no doubt about that.
Yeah, the responsibility level's pretty low. Of course, that all started in the mid-'80s, when coke came in big, you know.
But drugs or no drugs, I think they're a little less responsible to begin with. I just don't think they're brought up to be too responsible, you know.
It drives me nuts. All I want is a phone call from 'em [if they're gonna be late, or miss the shoot] -- and you can't even get a fuckin' phone call most of the time!
Reporter: Remember when you were the sexual stand-in for ROBERT REDFORD in Indecent Proposal?
Randy West: Yeah.
Reporter: To be blunt, I think you and ASHLYN GERE, who sexually doubled for DEMI MOORE -- got shafted out of a credit on that movie.
Randy West: Well, we got cut out of the American version, but I heard we're in the European version.
Reporter: Honest to God?!
Randy West: That's what I heard from somebody.
Reporter: Great. Then you know what that means? That means if they release the video in this country with what they now call "The Director's Cut" -- your footage will finally be seen in the U.S.
That's what the studio did with "Basic Instinct" -- there are two separate versions for rent, and sale, in the stores now.
It'll usually say "The Director's Cut" right at the top of the box. You can also tell difference by checking the running time, which is listed on the back, near the box's bottom.
Of course, "The Director's Cut" running time is longer!
To show you what the public really wants -- "The Director's Cut" on both sales and rentals is selected seven to one over the trimmed, or censored, version.
Now, a toughie question -- Sexually, do you find the ladies different today than they were, say, fifteen years ago? In other words -- more open to new things, more versatile, more kinky, or less so, you name it.
Randy West: Well, more of 'em are willing to do anal scenes, I know that. That used to be a big deal in the old days. And now, you know, it seems like most of them will give it a shot -- whether they like it or not -- just to make the money.
Reporter: And that's where the real acting comes in -- making it look like they're really enjoying it.
Randy West: I don't usually shoot those type of scenes because I like the girls to really enjoy what they're doing. But I understand it, you know.
That's why Up and Cummers is really a weird, bizarre concept
-- taking normal people and letting them be normal! That's weird -- you gotta check it out, you know! Haven't seen shit like this in a long time!
Yeah, so I've had girls tell me, "Uh-huh, I'll do an anal scene, I don't like it. But if, you know, give me so much money I'll do it." I go, "No. Do that somewhere else."
Yeah, there's definitely more Anal Annies today. Sometimes I wonder if guys are ever going to get laid again [the conventional way].
Reporter: And let's not forget the vibrators.
Randy West: Sure, the vibrators.
Reporter: We're being replaced by C Cell batteries.
Randy West: Fortunately, most of the girls do like to get some dick also. A lot of 'em, their first choice is girls, you know. But they still need some dick -- fortunately!
Reporter: Are the damsels giving head better today than in past eras?
Randy West: Yeah, I think so. Umnnnn, I don't know if it's more practice, or what.
Reporter: It seems more of the lovelies also like to be eaten out than in prior dirty decades.
Randy West: Well, I used to run into a lot of chicks in the old days who didn't want to get their pussies eaten because they assumed they didn't smell good, you know, and in the meantime -- they did.
The thing that bothers me is like so many of these girls today think they have to douche every five minutes. It's not a matter of douching -- it's just a matter of being clean.
A pussy is supposed to have a certain smell to it! A totally, you know, smellless pussy is no big turn-on either! It beats the hell out of a Stink-O, but, but a normal, you know, woman's pussy -- it's a turn-on to smell a little pussy juice!
Reporter: A pal of mine, a real deep sea muff diver, wouldn't even wash his moustache for days after chomping some tasty twat.
Randy West: Makes sense to me, yeah.