RON JEREMY


He's known as The Elephant Man of Eroticism, as well as the Mopey Dick of Dirtville. Who else but Ron Jeremy, of course, Stroke City's most notorious nookie notcher. Just mention his name, and everyone has an opinion, and with it always comes a wildly hilarious and horny tale to tell as well.

For instance, here's CHESSI MOORE telling about her first gig with Jeremy, with SERGIO SVENGALI directing: "Sergio, of course, is in for anything, any kind of laugh," Chessi grinned. "He didn't think I'd like him, but he said, 'Okay, and we'll play a little joke on him because he's so egotistical. He thinks everybody knows who Ron Jeremy is.

"'So when he gets here, don't act like you know him. Act like, "Who is this guy? He couldn't be a Porn Star -- he's too fat, and old." Just kinda put him off.'

"See, Sergio's plan was to make Ronnie think I didn't want to work with him, and then con him out of money. Yeah, I played the part pretty good. When Ron Jeremy gets there, I said, 'Well, who the fuck are you?'

"He said, 'Well, I'm Ron Jeremy, the famous Porn Star.' I said, 'Are you sure? Or are you just pullin' my leg?' I just played on and on with him.

"So Sergio says, 'If she has to work with you, she's gonna want more money to work with you -- because Fat Guys really turn her off.' Ronnie said, 'Okay-okay, give her twenty-five of mine.' Svengali says, 'Okay, I'll try that.'

"Well, of course, it goes back and forth, and I'm still refusing to work with him. That is, until Ronnie says to Sergio to forget even paying him -- that, instead, he, Ron Jeremy will not only forfeit his whole salary, but he'll pay Sergio twenty-five dollars if he can talk me into working with him!"

Then there was the time that Producer-Director PERRY ROSS mounted a horse -- and tried to run down Ron Jeremy, who fled, huffing and puffing on foot, and finally dove into a grove of bushes.

Ron Jeremy denies that the excitement and terror of that torment caused him to have an orgasm. Perry, though, probably did.

But diving into bushes is nothing new to the rotund veteran of more than 700 X-rated appearances in loops, films, and cassettes.

The over-sexed ex-New Yawkah with the non-stop chatterbox that goes rat-a-tat-tat made his Porno debut in 1979. But before that he acted off-Broadway for years, but for very few scheckels.

And surprisingly, he was also a school teacher.

Even more surprisingly, though, was the kind of "teach" he was. Ready? Fasten your seat belts -- Ron Jeremy used to teach Special Ed.? And what, pray tell, is that? Special Education -- teaching retarded and emotionally disturbed children.

Honest! He did that for two years. Stop laughing, which most of his friends can't do. As they joke: "Those are the only kids he could find who were not smarter than him. And even that's subject to recount!"

Cheap shots, sure. But Ron Jeremy loves 'em. As LIBERACE used to say, he "laughs all the way to the bank."

Reporter: You're a good friend of JOHN CLARK and his famous wife, LYNN REDGRAVE. The British press reported that you used their home, without their permission, for an X-Rated film. True?

Ron Jeremy: I used their home, in a movie, yes. So whatever he said must be true.

Reporter: Sounds like you're copping out.

Ron Jeremy: Is Ronnie a pussy, or what?

Reporter: Ronnie's the Grand Canyon of pussies.

Ron Jeremy: But I'm a good friend.

Reporter: You've helped a lot of the Porn Girls get bit parts in mainstream movies like 52 Pickup, and other big budget flix. But since you don't get paid, and you claim the gals aren't giving you blowjobs for your efforts, why do you do it?

Ron Jeremy: To be a nice guy.

Reporter: To who, Sir Ron Jeremy -- oh, noble humanitarian extraordinaire?

Ron Jeremy: It's a double favor. The film companies appreciate it, and if there's a part for me, they'll it to me, too. Also, the girl appreciates it. Eventually, if something comes along for them, they'll throw me a bone.

Reporter: God knows you're always willing to throw them your bone. But have any of the legit stars helped you to get work?

Ron Jeremy: Yes.

Reporter: Like who?

Ron Jeremy: Well, the late SAM KINISON helped me get on the RODNEY DANGERFIELD HBO comedy special. And SALLY MARS, LENNY BRUCE'S mother -- in her 80s, and an absolute little doll -- she got me into an HBO movie. And now she's gotten me over to Universal for a couple of readings, so Sally's done some very nice things for me -- she's a little doll!

Reporter: Okay, what about Director JOHN FRANKENHEIMER, whom you had on your set up on Mt. Olympus, when the cops popped you? Remember that?

Ron Jeremy: Yeah, but I wouldn't want to make too big a deal about it, because that escaped the press. It escaped the press, and he was panicking about it. I wouldn't want to bring it up ...

Reporter: So we won't. Instead, let's talk about when you were tossed in jail in San Diego, okay?

Ron Jeremy: Seventy-thousand dollar bail!!!

Reporter: Didn't all of the inmates recognize you?

Ron Jeremy: Oh, you know that story?! It's a cute story. I'm in jail in San Diego, and they put me in the "Sex Offenders" cell.

Reporter: For anyone who's seen your work, that seems appropriate, since you've been an offense to sex for years.

Ron Jeremy: And these guys are weird! These are Baby Rapers, these are all sorts of Weird People, right! And there were Old Guys, real Nasty Lookin' Guys, like in there twenty-thirty years, the cops didn't like me, so they threw me in there!

And so they go, "You're Ron Jeremy?" I changed my voice, and said, "No, he's much taller and better looking." "Yeah, you're right, he is." And I got away with that one!

I was afraid to take a pee. I wouldn't take a leak at that point, I had to hold it in. [Later ...] They put me in a cell of, like, very light misdemeanors -- Drunken Brawlers, a few drunken driving tickets.

They put in a real nice cell with Young Guys, who were only in there for a couple of days. When they put in a cell with a guy who's been there 30 years, you gotta be real careful, because whatever he might do to you, he doesn't care ... !

Reporter [cutting in]: As Pete Rose found out not too long ago.

Ron Jeremy [Cont.]: So these Young Guys are good, and they said, "Are you Ron Jeremy?" and I said, "Yes," and they said, "Oh, WOW!" and I signed some photographs there of me, from magazines, all kinds of adult men's magazines. Oh, there are lots of those around the cell, I'll tell you.

Reporter: Well, they got to beat off to something. After all, they can get turned-on only so often looking at each other's assholes. But is it true you really enjoyed being there, as rumor has it?

Ron Jeremy: No-no-no. But I felt great, that whenever dinner came, they wanted to give me their ice cream, they wanted to give me cigarettes -- and I don't smoke.

They were so nice, that when I got out, got out on bail the next morning, I ordered up tons of cartons of cigarettes for that cell, you know, they were such good guys, you know.

Reporter: And isn't it true that since that's the first time you ever opened your wallet, a moth flew out?

Ron Jeremy: I hate doing that, I get weak doing that, you know. When I take a dollar bill out of my pocket, the President on a dollar bill, George Washington, rubs his eye and goes, "Oh, it's daylight."

Reporter: Why are you so fucking cheap, since you earn big and steady and you never-never-ever spend for even essentials like soap/towels/clean-laundry?

Ron Jeremy: Girls that go out with me don't find me that cheap. It's mostly a joke. You don't see me wearing new fashion statement clothing. I drive a pretty cheap rent-a-car, and the clothing I wear is nothing special, obviously.

When I go on dates, I take out money. If you ask girls who went out with me, they say, "Oh, he didn't seem cheap." The girl never reaches into her pocket for a damn thing, except a handkerchief to wipe it away. Or a Tampon, to put it back in.

Reporter: You can say that again. What are you talking about -- "your clothes" -- you only have one pair of pants and one shirt.

Ron Jeremy: And I wear it over and over -- again!

Reporter: How can you stay so chintzy and cheesey on just cheap basics like that?

Ron Jeremy: I don't know, I just hate going shopping. I have a pretty big wardrobe, but the clothes aren't anything special. I don't know, sometimes that works against me. If a girl has seen me as a director, or running around my agent's office, looking like a total slob, they think, "Oh, that's how he's gonna be on the set."

Reporter: You can say that again. So what do you think your reputation is in the porn business?

Ron Jeremy: Well, if I read enough Hustler and Hustler Erotic Video Guides, it's pretty dreadful. CHRISTIAN SHAPIRO gives me a few goodies, is that you? Is that you?

Reporter: No, that's one of LARRY FLYNT'S staff flunkeys who beats off a lot. But you get heavy criticism elsewhere, too, and plenty of it.

Ron Jeremy: Oh, I know that. I've had some pretty good slams dunks on me, but I don't really mind it, it's all part of the fun. You know, I mean, AL GOLDSTEIN said in Penthouse that if it weren't for a director yelling "ACTION!" -- Ron Jeremy would never get laid.

He also called me a beached whale, AVN [Adult Video News] called me "Round" Jeremy. Now that I've lost the weight, people have started making weight jokes. But I'm still hairy, and I still sweat a bit, so they can still make those jokes.

Reporter: What about being pegged as "The Hedgehog of Porn"?

Ron Jeremy: Well, that's my point. I'm still hairy, and I still sweat a lot during a scene. But they're gonna make those kind of sweaty/hairy jokes anyway ... But I do shower before and after every scene.

Reporter: Annually, or bi-annually?

Ron Jeremy: Oh, it's a good thing I work in porno, because if it weren't for the scenes, I wouldn't shower.

Reporter: What's the unkindest cut you've ever received?

Ron Jeremy: You were pretty strong, in the JOHN HOLMES article. You tore me a new asshole!

I read the "Who's Going To Be The Successor To John Holmes?" article, and I said, "Hey, do I get a shave and a creme rinse with this haircut you're giving me?"

I said, "OWWWWWWW!" I received it so deep, up the anal canal, I haven't been able to walk since. You guys SLAM-M-M-M-EDDD me on that one! But then, again, I figured it's all part of the fun.

I'm here now, right?!

Reporter: Sure, everyone acknowledges you're a good sport. But is there anything else "good" that can be said about you in the Jizz-Biz?

Ron Jeremy: I have good and bad, I'll give you the good. GOOD! -- extremely honest. Everyone takes my checks, correct?! No one ever said I had a bad check. I never bounced a check.

I never made a deal for a job that I tried to chew them down after the job was over. No one will ever say they worked for me and I changed the deal afterwards, okay?!

And I never tried to screw anybody for a job, and pull a Casting Couch, like a lot of other directors do.

Reporter: I'm shocked!!! What directors do that?

Ron Jeremy: Oh, I can't list 'em -- you know damn well who does that!

Reporter: No, I don't, I said with a straight face.

Ron Jeremy: I can't list THAT!!! You know who does that! But I never pulled a Casting Couch -- "Let me see how you look when you have sex, honey, and I'll put you in the film!" Yeah, sure!!!

Reporter: Three cheers for the right honorable Ron Jeremy, a living, breathing holy man. But you know that if you fuck 'em before you hire 'em -- they'll never work for you. After all, what girl is interested in beastiality a second time?!

Ron Jeremy: Very funny, very funny.

Reporter: And you'll probably use that line, too.

Ron Jeremy: Of course, of course!