Editor's Column

Issue Mid-July 1997

Dear Readers,

Mentertainment is very popular, people love the magazine and the flood of mail and phone calls this past 7 weeks was a strong request that it continues operation. On the other hand it seems that I work 200 hours a month to make a living, and another 200 hours to create a suitable vehicle for my editorial. It's almost like I paint this "masterpiece" but the only purpose it has for me is to have some place to put my signature.

If I sound weird, I feel weird.

You may notice that this issue is 3 weeks late, maybe to prove the rumor wrong, spread by competition, that I am going out of business, maybe to make it right? The issue is late, and that's all there is to it.

I want to share something with you, something that is personal, vulnerable, and you may see yourself in it, and if I can make a difference with one person, it's worth it.

Ever since January it's been difficult to get up the energy to produce the 200 hour magazine in one breath, foregoing sleeping, social life, health concerns, anything. Or did it start last year in August, when my boy friend first started to act strange?

Or did it really start two years ago when my mother died?

Whenever "it" started, I didn't know what to do with the experience. Life became about dreading the 200 hours of "deadline mode," the sleeping on the bare floor to force myself to only sleep a mere one hour and a half, because any longer sleep stretches out the days of horror even further. You can count how many nights I slept in my bed, that's how many days the magazine was late.

But this month it was even more difficult than any time previous to this. I just didn't want to work. I joked, I looked busy, I looked alive, but something was missing. Then someone asked if it is possible that I am depressed. I mean physiologically, chemically depressed. I looked at my "symptoms" and answered, "Could be."

That was the beginning of a journey up. It turned out that indeed, I was depressed, and had been for a long time. As a cure I changed my diet, and eliminated any starches, sugar, and milk-products. I was put on special food supplements, and on St. John's Wort, that's a herb that's effective in lifting one's spirit. It has worked, after all, two weeks ago it looked that I was never going to be able to finish this magazine, and now it is done, it's here, you are reading it.

After this revelation, that depression doesn't have to look bad mood, or sadness, I started to look around me, and what I was startled to notice, is the amount of depressed people. While this was going on, I gained 20 lbs, I stopped caring about my house, about my looks, about what I eat, and whether it is good for me. I didn't take as frequent showers as before, and when it was too hot, I went and took a nap, instead of turning on the air conditioner and staying busy. I didn't cut the grass, and forgot to take out the garbage. What a mess, you may say, but if you look around, you probably see lots of people, who you write off as slobs, but maybe they are just depressed.

I received something in the mail dealing with depression, the other day, and found out, that I am far from being "singled out" for this condition. Toxic environment, poor elimination, hormonal imbalance, all can cause it, and the cure is to reverse the cause. For me it was too much sleep, too much sugar, too much starch, not enough physical activity. If you lived in my neighborhood you could have seen me, last week three times, walking in the park, listening to tapes of "Your secret wealth", first dragging myself, the third time even enjoying it.

I originally started this magazine as a means to heal myself. Then I noticed all the people who, just like me, have no freedom around relationships, around sexuality.

I think I failed to make a major difference. I had this idealistic hope, that people are going to spend more time in regular relationships than in go-go bars, but it went just to other way. Now they also spend hours a day on the Internet looking for, looking at naked women, or acts of sex. Their wives are sex-starved, in the meantime.

In the meantime, I am diversifying my income, signed up with this Multilevel nutritional company, Usana, push my web-site, and consult people and businesses on their unlimited wealth. I dream that I won't have to sleep on the floor, unless I want to. When it's really worth it.

Stay cool, stay away from depression, hug a female, and pray for me. I am not quite done yet.

Sophie