ADDICTED TO STRIPPERS

I just got back from Mettler's. There were 17 dancers there tonight. This one girl I like a lot, named Joey, was there tonight. I hadn't seen her in at least 2 or 3 weeks. She sat with me for at least half of the time I was there. I felt bad that I didn't give her a Christmas gift, but I hadn't seen her in a long time and didn't think she would even be back there until after the new year. I sincerely think that of all the girls I know there, she is one of the best candidates for a girlfriend. There are quite a few cuter girls, but none of them spend as much time with me and talk to me as much as she does. I also know that she is currently attending college and is intelligent, which means a lot to me. She is so soft and cuddly, I love it when she gives me hugs!! Tora, the girl I gave the bottle of "Poison" perfume to last night was very friendly to me tonight also. In the middle of a dance with one of my all-time favorite girls, Tory, Tora came over and said. "Here's your Christmas present!" and gave me this cute little pair of black, lacy panties that she had been wearing. I said "Thank you" and kind of pretended that it never happened and went back to admiring Tory. There were just way too many girls that I know and like working there tonight. It is better when there are only two or three of my favorites there in one night. There were at least 17 dancers there tonight and I am sure I knew at least 14 of them. I would have done almost anything if I could have had at least one of my favorites come home with me just to kiss and hug and cuddle and fall asleep with. Of course I never even asked any of them to do so, so I shouldn't complain. I should start asking a lot of them to do that and maybe eventually one of them would say "Yes." I think if I just asked some of them like Joey or Geri my chances would be at least 50%, but it is so hard to ask them and to risk being rejected. I hate being alone! I wish that one of them were here with me right now and that I could hug and hold her and kiss and lick her from her cute toes all the way up to her soft earlobes!! I could have so much pleasure without even going all the way and having sex with her. I would do almost anything for that!! Geri and Joey are both so soft and cuddly and cute. I would love to have either of them here with me right now!!! Oh, well!! Another night alone. It's a good thing that I am very drunk right now so that I will be able to fall asleep fast when I crawl into my big, empty, lonely bed. I know that I could never fall asleep that fast if I were sober and lonely. I guess the alcohol is a substitute for the girl that I want so badly. The girl would be so much better for me, but oh, well, I guess being drunk is almost as fun. Paul



I went out again tonight to Mettler's, as usual. I want so badly to break these two bad habits I have of drinking way too much and spending way too much on these strippers, but I cannot seem to do it. This one girl there tonight, named Brittney was so extremely, wonderfully beautiful that I could hardly stand it!! I would literally do anything if she would be my girlfriend. There were about 7 or 8 girls dancing tonight, but none of them were anywhere nearly as cute as Brittney. She danced for me 2 times and I asked her to come back again and was disappointed because about 4 minutes before the lights came on I saw her standing up by the DJ booth fully dressed and looking like she was ready to leave. I kind of stared and her until she actually came over to me and offered me another dance. She was fully dressed and ready to leave by this time and I felt kind of special that she was going to stay to dance for me one more time. She was so beautiful and so sexy. She was wearing a pink, long-sleeved sweater and blue jeans and stripped down slowly for me to her red, lacy bra and panties and then took her bra off and looked so delicious and soft and smelled so good that I could hardly stand it!!! Anyway, after the song ended, I pulled out my $5, which is the normal price for a dance, and she said, "Can't you double that for me?" and gave me a huge, cute smile. I said, "What do you mean?" and she said that she wanted $10 instead of $5 since she was almost out the door already and stopped to give me one last dance. I paused and almost didn't give it to her, but she was so cute and so beautiful and smelled so good and had on such a cute, red, lacy outfit that I just couldn't turn her down. She was so beautiful! I would have done almost anything if she would have come home with me and let me kiss her and touch her and fluff up her wonderful soft, thick, fluffy blonde hair, and lick her from head to toe and to make love to her. I am so depressed that it didn't happen. I knew that it would not, and yet I feel so alone and depressed that I didn't get Brittney or any of the others to come home with me. I guess I should be used to it, because it happens every night, but I still just cannot get used to it. I want one of those wonderful, soft, young, perfumed girls to be my girlfriend and to come home with me. I hate being here alone again so much!! It literally hurts deep inside of me to be so alone and not to have some cute, soft girl to hug and kiss and etc.!!! I hate it!! I hate going to bed alone, which I know I will be doing again in a few minutes!!! Paul



I went out again tonight to Mettler's. I just cannot handle staying home and being alone, especially after a long hard day at this job I work at, working for this man that I hate. I decided that after work I would go and buy some Christmas gifts for some of my favorite strippers at the bar. I figure what the heck, if I give a nice gift to even one of them who doesn't have a boyfriend and who maybe doesn't get a nice gift or any gift at all from a guy, maybe I could get somewhere. I spent 4 hours at the mall and walked away with only 2 gifts. I got this one custom made waist bracelet (I think that's what you call it.) for this one girl I like a lot and whom gives me more hugs and kisses than any of the other strippers that I know. She also is not at all greedy and in the 4 or so months I have known her never has tried to take advantage of me or ask for more money than what I gave her. It cost approx. $51, which maybe isn't a lot, but it is more than I have ever spent on any woman in my life at one time (The thousands I have spent at Mettler's have been doled out over several months.) I also bought this other dancer some expensive perfume or cologne that she wanted, but she wasn't there either. I really want to just try to focus on one girl and hope that I might turn her into my girlfriend, but that is so hard to do. I could have and wish I would have spent a lot of money on 20 or so of these dancers and maybe of all of those I would have found someone who liked me as much as I liked her. It is so sad having to fall asleep alone every night and not to have a girlfriend. A few people on here don't seem to believe that I am being honest here and it really makes me feel bad that after I have written all of these sincere, extremely open letters for all the world to see and after all of the problems that I have been through that some people would make fun of me and accuse me of just making this stuff up or creating some kind of a charade. I swear to all of you that I am not making this up and that I am 100% totally sincere. I admit that it is hard for me to take good advice and to change and that I am really stuck in a major negative cycle that I cannot seem to get out of, but please don't question my honesty - I am one of the most honest persons you will ever meet. I feel kind of stupid having to try to prove myself or defend myself just because a few people don't seem to believe that I am being honest, but I feel that I have to at least try. If anyone wants to write to me personally or call me personally on the phone I will give you my home address by private E-Mail. I don't know what else to say. I am totally sincere about everything I write on here. I am 32 years old and have never had a girlfriend and am still a virgin and my only social life is going out to the strip bar 6 nights a week and spending time with these cute girls who work there and I am spending way more money than I earn at my job there and am going majorly into debt on credit cards because of it. I don't know what will have to happen for me to break this habit. I think it will only happen when some wonderful, cute girl comes into my life and sees the good in me and likes me and wants to be with me and spend time with me and fall asleep next to me and etc. I hate being alone. I miss my Dad so much. I wish I had spent more time with him. Now he is gone and I cannot do anything about it. This one stripper named Lexie was playing her usual games with me again tonight. She also offered me her phone number and said she wants to get together with me, but I don't think she is sincere. After she danced 2 dances for me (which is supposed to be $10) she first asked for $20 and then $15 and then I told her firmly that she was only getting $10 and she seemed a bit colder after that. I know all these girls care about is money, but I guess in a way I am almost willing to just pay for the attention because it seems it is the only way that I am able to get any attention from beautiful women. I would do anything if I could get attention from nice, cute women without having to pay them. I hate this routine and I don't know how I am going to ever be able to force myself to break the habit. I have stayed up way too late and have to get up at 6:45 and it is now 1:30 or so. ======+ It's me, "Paul". I just had to go out again tonight. I had a very bad day and the only thing to keep me going was the 1 & 1/2 hours I spent at the strip bar. I just got my car back yesterday after having in this guys shop for 18 days and paid him $168 and this morning it wouldn't start. I was 1 3/4 hours late for work and called my boss and tried to get out of work so I could have my car refixed by someone else so I wouldn't have to worry about getting to work again tomorrow and the next day and etc., but my boss was very unsympathetic and told me they were short at work and really needed me and I had to go in. When I got there, I realized that they were really not short at all and in fact within 3 hours this one guy came in to work saying that they had left a message that they needed him because of someone else who could not be there. That someone else, I found out, was me, and yet even after this guy came into work, they still wouldn't let me leave to try to get my car going. It was sunny and about 20 degrees out today and would have been good weather to work on my car, but by the time they let me go it was about zero degrees and the sun had gone down. I hate my boss so much!!! He doesn't care at all. He just said that I should have bought a different car and that I had to be on time tomorrow. This darn car is 14 years old and I have over $8000 sunk into it in the past 4 years and cannot afford anything else now because of all the money I have spent on it and also the money I have spent on the strippers. I feel trapped and helpless!! I had to go to the strip bar tonight just to try to get at least a little pleasure and fun out of my day. This one girl named Lexie or Robin or Michelle (She changes her name a lot.) was there tonight again. I have met probably at least 40 dancers there since I have been going there, but she is at least one of the top 3 as far as being someone who really turns me on and excites me. She absolutely drives me crazy!! Unfortunately she plays these little games like she will say that she will come right over and then she won't keep her word and then the next time I see her she will make it sound like I was the one who didn't show up and like I was the one who ignored her!! She has done this at least 3 or 4 times. I just don't know if she cannot keep track of what is going on or if she is purposely playing some game with me. I am absolutely crazy about her and would literally do almost anything for her. I would do anything if I could just go out to eat with her and talk to her, just to spend some time with her. I would be in heaven if she ever came home with me some night and fell asleep next to me, even if there was no sex involved. I would love that so much!! I want to hug her and hold her and fall asleep next to her so bad that it hurts!!! She always smells so good and her skin is so soft and so warm. I don't know what to do. I am so alone again tonight and want Lexie so bad. I am so unhappy. I am sure my car will not start again tomorrow and I have to take a cab again to work and work at this job I hate for this damn boss that I hate and know that when I get off work I will be alone again unless I go down to Mettler's stripbar again and spend more than I can afford to again and probably fall in love with Lexie or some other girl again and have to leave alone again at the end of the night and the whole thing will repeat again. I hate my life. Paul



I have been trying to stay home each night, but when 10 PM roles around I just cannot make myself stay home and go to bed. I think about all of these cute girls I know down at Mettler's strip bar and I just cannot fall asleep or stay home. I went down there again tonight. It seems like a lot of these girls must think I am rich and they are almost fighting for my attention now. My favorite girl of the 40 or so that I know actually came and sat with me tonight and just talked to me. I have been wanting this for so long! While she was doing this though, one of my other favorite girls had to come and interrupt and try to talk to me also. Later another one of my favorites did about the same thing. This one girl named Jeri or Geri or however she spells it is such a turn on!! She will come and give me kisses on the lips and things like that that hardly any of the girls will do. I would gladly have her as my girlfriend if I could, but I just don't think it would work out with her or any of these other girls. Most of these girls earn about $200 to $600 per night just for dancing and don't ever actually work as hookers or have sex with guys for money. I only make $57 per day before taxes and about $40 per day after taxes, but most of these girls seem to think that I make a lot more than that just because I come into Mettler's almost every night and spend anywhere from $40 to $150 every night in about 2 hours. I also try to dress really nice and wear nice gold and diamond rings and stuff like that. I tell these girls I am poor and do not have money, but I don't think that they believe me and I think they mainly like me just because they think that I have money. I sometimes wonder if there is just one nice, cute, sincere dancer there that would really make a good girlfriend. I think there has to be at least one and that I have to keep going there and trying to find her. Paul



I am just sending a reply to myself, because nobody else seems to care enough to even respond on either the public BB or by private mail. I am not kidding or making any of this up. I am extremely sincere about everything that I wrote. I am so alone and am so lonely. I am 32 years old and have never really had a girlfriend. I live alone and have only about 2 friends, both guys, and lately they have both been ignoring me and it seems like they don't even want anything to do with me. I really am a very nice guy and am very caring and considerate and loving and devoted and honest. I don't understand why I cannot find that one special, wonderful woman that I am looking for. I have so much love and caring and stuff to give!! Where is she?? I feel like I am offering just what every woman wants, and yet they don't even care or even want to talk to me or meet me. What is the deal? I am not perfect, but am very good looking for my age, 32. I think most women are more picky than I am. I am so in love with some of these strippers from the club. I would do almost anything for any of them. I have my few certain favorites that I would almost literally do anything for, but I don't think they even care. I don't think they think I am serious when I say things like, "I would do anything for you." I am serious, but I don't think they believe me. I really feel like I love some of them very sincerely and would do almost anything for them and feel so warm and complete inside when they give me a hug or a kiss on the cheek, but I suppose it is totally one-sided and that they really don't care about me and wouldn't ever help me if I needed help. I just wish that I could find one sincere, nice one that I could be friends with and spend a little time outside of the bar with as friends. Paul



It's Sunday night and Mettler's is closed tonight. They are also closed tomorrow night because it is technically a legal holiday and the owners or managers like to take advantage of that and get an extra day off. I am so lonely tonight. I hate it. Actually more than that I hate the fact that I have to go back to work tomorrow for this man that does nothing but degrade me and hold me back and take advantage of me even though I am a very good worker. After working for him for over 9 years full time, all he pays me is $7.20 an hour and he refuses to move me up in the company even though I am more intelligent than he is and also a nicer person and more thoughtful and considerate and etc. I know I am kind of getting off the subject, but you people have no idea of all the problems I have and do face and all of the pain I go through every day. I am going so far in debt on these credit cards because of my two bad habits of going to the strip joint and tipping the girls and also drinking way too much. I broke my ankle very severely one year ago today and even though I thought I had good insurance, it turns out that it wasn't that great and I still owe a lot of money to the hospital and the orthopedic and fracture clinic and the anesthesiologists association and the other regular clinic too. I send each of them about $10 to $15 per month, but they keep sending me these threatening letters about the full amounts being due immediately and such. I could tell you so much more about this. It is so much more complicated. I was on this medication called Prednisone at the time I broke my ankle and found out later that one of the side effects of this drug is that it makes your bones very brittle and the doctor never told me this and if I had just been taking calcium supplements at the same time I may have never even broken my ankle. I feel like that doctor was at least somewhat responsible. It is now one year later and my ankle still hurts and swells up every day and I have a steel plate and about 6 screws in it. When I sent a bunch of my claim forms into my insurance company they lost them and then said they received them beyond the deadline that I had to send them in by and I missed out on a big check because of that. The car I drive (an '81 Chrysler) is a total lemon and I have sunk over $7000 into it in the past 4 years. I am on my third engine and the car only has 101,000 miles on it. I got majorly ripped off on the one engine I got for it and on a lot of repairs since then. I now cannot afford another car and it is totally undependable and absolutely will not start at all at least 2 out of 7 days. I should have sued at least 2 different shops over these rip-offs, but didn't. My take-home pay for 1 month is about $800 and my bills + the money I spend at the stripbar amount to at least $2000 a month. The interest on these credit cards is really bad. I must be paying at least $250 a month just in interest. Also, my Dad died totally unexpectedly last March and my Grandpa about 4 1/2 years ago and my parents got divorced about 5 years ago. I live alone and have very few friends and have lost most of them because they are tired of my problems. I cannot help it. It is not my fault! I just had to get drunk tonight so that I could at least sleep sound for a few hours before I have to get up and go to this job I hate and work for peanuts and go further in debt and come home and be alone again. I wish I had a whole new life. I hate the one I have. Paul



I just had to go down to Mettler's again tonight. Last night I went there with the two special gifts I had purchased for these 2 dancers I like wrapped up in colorful, metallic foil wrap with bows on top, and neither one was there. I tried to just focus on one dancer, even though I know 30 or 40 of them, but ended up buying gifts for 2 of them. I tried to focus on ones that seemed obtainable and normal and down to earth, ones who never mentioned a boyfriend and whom I thought I might stand a chance with. Within about 10 minutes of being there tonight I noticed that both of them were there. Within a few minutes, both of them were sitting with me at my table and I wondered if it was going to be feasible to give them both a gift in the same night. I didn't want them to think that I just give out gifts to all the dancers and that it really isn't anything that special for me, when that really isn't true. I waited until one of them left and then gave the other, Geri, her gift, the custom-made waist bracelet. She absolutely loved it and almost wouldn't stop kissing me and hugging me and telling me how much she liked it and how much it meant to her for the whole rest of the night. She kept saying how it meant so much to her and that I had no idea how much it meant to her and stuff like that. She was so nice and so receptive of the fact that I gave this gift to her. She said that she showed it to all of the other dancers and told them that I gave it to her. I was then afraid to give the other gift to this other dancer, Lexie, or Michelle, because I didn't want Geri to think that I was giving gifts "to everyone", so I skipped it and left the bar feeling happy and optimistic until I saw Geri getting into her car and this one guy was putting her bag with her outfits and stuff into the trunk for her and I kind of thought that it must be her boyfriend or something and that she must be seeing this guy and that all of the attention and stuff that she gave me tonight was just for show and just to get more tips and stuff out of me. I don't know what to think. I thought she seemed like a nice, sweet, normal girl, and maybe she is. There are a lot of cuter girls who strip and dance down there. I just wish I knew if that guy was really leaving with her of was maybe just helping her carry her stuff out to the car and put it in the trunk for her. I guess time will tell. By the way, she didn't really give me any free dances tonight even after I gave the gift to her. She probably got at least $11 out of me on top of the $51 waist-bracelet. I don't know what to think. I want and need a sexy, young woman so extremely badly that it hurts. I hate having to go to sleep alone again tonight and wake up alone. Paul



I am so very lonely. I am 32 years old and have never had a girlfriend that has lasted for more than 2 weeks ever in my entire life. I have been to bed with about 4 women over the years, but have held back and have never gone all the way and had sex. I live alone and am from a small town and a small family and in the past several years have lost more than 1/2 of my family to deaths. The latest was my Dad this past March. I am feeling more and more alone all the time and don't have any girlfriends. I have developed this new habit of going out to the local strip bar and trying to get to know all of the girls who work there and to try to develop some friendships with some of them. I have been going there for about 4 months now, almost 6 nights a week for about 2 to 3 hours a night, spending at least $50 every night and as much as $150 a night on some nights. I am becoming so attached to some of the girls who work there and like them so much and almost think of them as my friends and girlfriends and whole social life all rolled up into one. Going to this strip bar is my only social life. I cannot get any nice girls to go out with me. I am not unattractive or anything, I am probably above average looking for my age, but I am probably way too picky and really want a woman who has everything - good looks, personality, devotion, has never had kids, has preferably never had a serious boyfriend, dresses really nice (in public and in private), has nice, soft, fluffy, long hair, has nice eyes, preferably brown, has nice legs, and other things too. I see women at the strip club every night who are extremely attractive physically and whom I wonder about and would love to get to at least go out to dinner with and have a chance to get to know better to know if they would be compatible with me at all, but they will never even give me a chance or see me outside of the strip club. Some of them are so beautiful and I feel like I would do almost anything to make it work if I even thought I had a slim chance at any type of a relationship with one of them. I have spent over $7000 down at this club in the past 4 months. I only have a take-home pay of about $800 per month, or $3200 per 4 months, so obviously I have been spending way, way more than I can afford to. The only reason I have been doing this is because I want some wonderful, attractive, soft female more than anything in the world and am willing to go into debt to try to obtain her. I hate being alone. I live alone and spend almost all my time alone and I hate it!!!! I don't think I am asking for too much. I am a nice guy and I need a nice girl and she has to be out there somewhere. I hope so much that I can find her sometime soon. I am so lonely and I hate it!! Where is she??? Paul



I cannot believe how so many of you say so many rude and cold things to me and make fun of me. I am just about ready to stop writing anything on here at all. The majority of you people seem to just want to poke fun at me and make me feel even worse than I already do. I don't understand why you do this. I only have posted notes on here to try to get nice, sincere input from sincere, caring people, but I have learned that the majority of you out there are very mean and cold and uncaring and unsympathetic. I am so extremely unhappy and depressed about my life. I am sorry for being so negative, but that is just the way I feel. If you cannot say something positive, please just don't say anything at all. I am sorry for the way I am and the problems I have, but I am not a bad person and am actually a very nice, caring person. No matter what you say, I am still the person I am, although it really hurts me deep inside when you say such critical and mean things to me. I am sorry for being the way that I am, but I cannot seem to change. I was going to tell you all about Friday and Saturday and Sunday nights, but I am really depressed now after reading all of the negative things that people wrote to me on the public board and on private mail too, that I just don't have the energy anymore. I am sorry for being me and having the problems I have. I wish those of you who are so mean and uncaring could just try to understand how badly I hurt inside and how badly I just want a girlfriend to be with me. Paul



Paul:

You're not addicted to strippers; he is (a) depressed; (b) insecure; (c) unwilling to accept responsibility for his role in his own sorrows; (d) self-centered and self-pitying; (e) unrealistic; (f) in denial; and (g) expecting someone else to make everything OK. He's latched onto the idea that, if he actually were to have a dancer girlfriend, everything would be OK.

Of course, in reality, even if he was dating a stripper he'd still be the same insecure, unrealistic underachiever -- he'd just have someone to blame it on. He's going to have to clean up his own life: figure out why he's insecure, deal with the chronic depression, eliminate some of the things he finds stressful, and -- most importantly -- START TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR BEING IN A FUCKED UP STATE. Jesus! That man can identify, slaughter, roast, and eat a scapegoat, taxidermy the hide, and install the mounted display in his own personal diorama of "People and Things that Haven't Been Nice to Poor Little Paul" before I could even figure out which end has the horns and which has the hooves. If he spent half the energy he's evidently dumped into identifying who had screwed him over on trying to get un-screwed, he'd be giving lap-dance lessons to Bubba and correcting ALS's use of ASS-c terminology. [Brief tip to Paul: Most women -- including the subgenus "stripper" -- are not all that turned on by the male subgenus of "pathetic whiner." Just a hint.] (And then there are those folks out there who might suggest that having a dancer girlfriend actually increases his likelihood for trouble. Take my parents, for instance....)

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