Jokes 5
Jokes, humorous stories - Sophie's Mentertainment® Online
THE TOP TEN REASONS TRICK OR TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX:
10. Guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7. You don't have to compliment the person who gave you candy.
6. Person giving you candy doesn't fantasize you're someone else.
5. If you get a stomach ache, it won't last 9 months.
4. If you wear your Batman mask, no one thinks you're kinky.
3. Doesn't matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2. Less guilt the next morning.

and, the #1 reason trick or treating is better than sex...

1. IF YOU DON'T GET WHAT YOU WANT,YOU CAN ALWAYS GO NEXT DOOR!
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A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town, when the girl stopped the boy.

"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex." The boy reluctantly paid her, & they did their thing.

After the cigarette, the boy just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?"- asked the girl.

"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25."
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In Carlsbad, New Mexico, it's legal for couples to have sex in a parked vehicle during their lunch break from work, as long as the car or van has curtains to stop strangers from peeking in.

In the quiet town of Connorsville, Wisconsin, it's illegal for a man to shoot off a gun when his female partner has an orgasm.

It's against the law in Willowdale, Oregon, for a husband to curse during sex.

In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.

No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.

Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you-or holding you in his arms.

Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown-if they're nude. In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have twin beds. And the beds must be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it's illegal to make love on the floor between the beds!

The owner of every hotel in Hastings, Nebraska, is required to provide each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No couple, even if they are married, may sleep together in the nude. Nor may they have sex unless they are wearing one of these clean, white cotton nightshirts. An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming, specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in meat freezer!

A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts.

In Norfolk, Virginia, a woman can't go out without wearing a corset. (There was a civil-service job-for men only-called a corset inspector.) However, in Merryville, Missouri, women are prohibited from wearing corsets because "the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male."

It's safe to make love while parked in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. Police officers aren't allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place must drive up from behind, honk his horn three times and wait approximately two minutes before getting out of his car to investigate.

Another law in Helena, Montana, mandates that a woman can't dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least three pounds, two ounces of clothing.

Lovers in Liberty Corner, New Jersey, should avoid satisfying their lustful urges in a parked car. If the horn accidentally sounds while they are frolicking behind the wheel, the couple can face a jail term.

A Florida sex law: If you're a single, divorced or widowed woman, you can't parachute on Sunday afternoons.

Women aren't allowed to wear patent-leather shoes in Cleveland, Ohio-a man might see the reflection of something "he oughtn't"

No woman may have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance within the boundaries of Tremonton, Utah. If caught, the woman can be charged with a sexual misdemeanor and "her name is to be published in the local newspaper." The man isn't charged nor is his name revealed.

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Men Bashing

What can a bird do that a man can't?
Whistle through its pecker.

Why did the man cross the road?
He heard the chicken was a slut.

Why don't women blink during foreplay?
They don't have time.

Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They won't stop to ask directions.

Why did God put men on earth?
Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

Why don't women have men's brains?
Because they don't have penises to keep them in.

What do electric trains and breasts have in common?
They're intended for the children, but it's the men who
usually end up playing with them.

Why do men snore when they lay on their backs?
Because their balls fall over their asshole and they vapor-lock.

Why do men masturbate?
It's sex with someone they love.

Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.

Why did God make man before woman?
You need a rough draft before you have a final copy.

Why is a man's pee yellow and his sperm white?
So he can tell if he's coming or going.

How many men does it take to put the toilet seat down?
Nobody knows, it hasn't happened yet.

Have you heard of the Lorena Bobbit computer virus?
It turns your hard drive into a 3-1/2-inch floppy.
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