Jokes 14
Jokes, humorous stories - Sophie's Mentertainment® Online

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WHAT SHOULD YOU DO IF YOUR GIRLFRIEND STARTS SMOKING?

SLOW DOWN AND USE A LUBRICANT
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WORST PICKUP LINES

Your body's name must be visa, because it's everywhere I want to be.

Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?

I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock.

I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.

Yo Baby, you be my Dairy Queen, I'll be your Burger King, you treat me right, and I'll do it your way right away.

If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous.

Wanna Play House? You be the screen door and I'll slam you all night long.

Excuse me, do you have your phone number, I've seem to have lost mine.

I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house.

If your left leg was Thanksgiving and your right leg Christmas, can I visit you between the Holidays?

I love every bone in your body - especially mine.

You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

Hi, I'm a necrophiliac, how good are you at playing dead?

I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.

The fact that I'm missing my teeth just means that there's more room for your tongue.
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Did you hear about the blonde who's house was on fire, she called the fire department and is yelling "my house is on fire!!! Get here right away.." The operator at 911 asks "How do we get to your house?" and the blonde answers " Duh, in a big red truck!!"
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A man went to the doctor and the doctor told him he had only 24 hours to live. He goes home to tell his wife and after they both had a long cry over it, he asked her if she would have sex with him because he only had 24 hours to live.

"Of course Darling," she replied. And so they have sex.

Four hours later they are lying in bed and he turns to her again, and says, "You know I only have 20 hours to live, do you think we could do it again?"

Again she responds very sympathetically and agrees to have sex.

Another 8 hours pass, and she had fallen asleep from exhaustion, he taps her on the shoulder, and asks her again, "You know dear, I only have 12 more hours left, how about again for old times sake?"

By this time she is getting a little annoyed, but reluctantly agrees.

After they finish she goes back to sleep and 4 hours later, he taps her on the shoulder again and says, "Dear, I hate to keep bothering you but you know I only have 8 hours left before I die, can we do it one more time?"

Well, she turns to him with a grimaced look on her face and says, "You know ... you don't have to get up in the morning. I do!"
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It's an unseasonably cold day in Dallas. Two priests who are visiting town for a convention are walking and since they did not bring overcoats, they decide to buy a couple.

They go into Nieman-Marcus and ask the clerk for two black overcoats. The clerk explains that it's the off season for overcoats, but he'll take a look. All he can find are two navy blue coats of the proper size.

He tells his manager and the manager says, "Hell, sell them the blue coats. On a day like this, they won't be able to tell the difference." The clerk does.

The priests are walking again and looking at their new coats. The coats just don't seem to look right. They pass two nuns and one of the priests asks a nun to hold up the sleeve of her black habit so he can compare the color. She does.

As the nuns are walking away, one of them says to the other, "Isn't it nice to hear a priest speak Latin in this modern age. I wish I knew what he said." The other nun asked her what it sounded like. The first nun replied, "It sounded like he said, 'Nieman Marcus fuctus'."
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