Jokes 15
Jokes, humorous stories - Sophie's Mentertainment® Online
An Irishman's been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally says that the bar is closing. So the Irishman stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time, same result. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he decides to crawl the 4 blocks to his home and when he arrives at the door he stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door into his bedroom. When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up.
This time he manages to pull himself upright but he quickly falls right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at him.
"So, you've been out drinking again!!"
"What makes you say that?" He asks as he puts on an innocent look.
"The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron"The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. "Ribbit. 9 Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts his other club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?" The frog reply's "Ribbit. Lucky frog." The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?" the man asks. "Ribbit. 3 wood." The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom! Hole in one.
The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?"
The frog reply, "Ribbit. Las Vegas." They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?" The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette." Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, "What do you think I should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit.$3000, black 6." Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game, the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table. The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful."
The frog replies, "Ribbit, Kiss Me." He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous15-year-old girl.
"And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room."
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Three couples were on their way to a party in a minivan one winter evening, and as they were rounding the turn the driver lost control of the vehicle, which ran off the road and down a hillside, bursting into flame and killing everyone inside. Very shortly thereafter, the three couples appeared before St. Peter.
Peter pointed an accusing finger at one of the men and said, "YOU? All YOU ever thought about in life was drinking! You drank every morning, every evening, on the weekends, at lunch...you even married a girl named Sherry!"
He pointed at the second man and said, "And YOU! You thought of nothing but money! Everything in your life had to do with greed, money, making money, keeping money, making more money...you even married a girl named Penny!"
The third man took his wife's hand and began walking away. "Come on, Fanny, I don't want to wait around to hear what he has to say to us."